FFB Team of the Week (#6)

Liverpool went clear at the top of the league thanks to a home thrashing of feeder club Southampton and Chelsea’s draw at the London Stadium. Their 3-0 win was bettered by Burnley to everybody’s surprise, who humbled Bournemouth 4-0, scoring four for the first time since New Year’s Eve 2016 and Manchester City, who pumped Cardiff 5-0 to everybody’s expectations. Wolves held their own against Manchester United, Tottenham steered the ship back on course in Brighton and Arsenal stung Everton with a quickfire double.



Neil Etheridge: Let’s be honest. If you concede five goals in a Premier League match you deserve to be in our team of the week. Okay, it was Manchester City and okay they’re the best team in England but still. Five goals. AJ


Wesley Hoedt: The big Dutch man in the centre of the Southampton defence seemingly forgot how to work his legs for Liverpool’s first goal. Time took a break for a few moments, allowing Hoedt to carefully fuck the ball into his own net, kickstarting a first half demolition at Anfield. JD

Mamadou Sakho: Has the former Liverpool defender made the miss of the season? Sakho had the ability to drag Crystal Palace and Newcastle kicking and screaming from the last match on Match of the Day but his header from three years out went wide. Two points dropped. JD


Joe Ralls: This man was chasing shadows all day, could’ve prevented City’s third goal in particular and should’ve seen red for a horror challenge on Ilkay Gundogan. JD

Fred: Easily Manchester United’s player of the match. Got the decisive goal that they had hoped would steer them to a win over Wolves but it wasn’t to be. Slightly faltered early in his United career at Brighton but has bounced back. Like Alan Partridge or an Iain Dowie team. AJ

Lucas Torreira: The big shithouse of the week award goes to Arsenal’s Lucas Torreira. Mad to think that Torreira could out-shithouse Granit Xhaka. The shithouse midfield two. Must run in the Uruguayan genome. AJ

Aaron Lennon: We’re all pleased for Lennon at FFB, the load road to recovery continues at Burnley. The winger scored his first league goal for almost three years in a rout at Turf Moor over Bournemouth. JD

Rajiv van la Parra: The Huddersfield ‘creative’ ‘footballer’ had a poor game at the King Power Stadium and even at Huddersfield’s brightest moments: the celebration after they went ahead on five minutes, Van La Parra got a headbutt to the face. All downhill from there. JD

James Maddison: There will come a time, probably the November international break where pressure will be on Gareth Southgate to include Maddison in his squad. He’s took to the Premier League like a duck to water, he’s swimming in goals. AJ


Glenn Murray: Just what the fuck were you thinking Glenn? I had you in my weekly 5, Glenn. Why would you forearm smash a free-kick to give a penalty away, Glenn? Cost your boys the game whilst Anthony Knockaert was working his arse off to recuperate some points off the back of your mistake, Glenn. AJ

Anthony Knockaert: Knockaert could have had a hat-trick. He did get on the scoresheet, the filling between two misses that could’ve turned a loss into a win at home to Spurs. JD

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