2014: A David Icke Wembley Odyssey

David Icke is a former footballer turned sports reporter who played for Coventry City and Hereford United until arthritis cut his career short at the age of 21. He has since become famous for being a ‘new age conspiracist’ and it all began on an episode of Wogan.

After the interview on Terry Wogan’s chat show in 1991, David Icke became a national pariah. He had turned to writing as he became isolated due to his declaration of the end of the world and the second coming of the Messiah.

I stumbled across his 9 hour lecture at Wembley Arena from 2014 after AJ told me about his plans to pitch me a David Icke biopic in Episode #31 of the podcast. I’d seen snippets of his lectures and, like most people who know and try to disprove Icke, know him more for his crazier theories about the reptilian overlords. People are defined by their roughest edges and Icke is largely defined as a “nutter” because of his craziest theories.

So I asked my Mum:

So I went into this mammoth lecture, available on YouTube, with an open mind.

The lecture, on YouTube at least, lasts a whopping 568 minutes with musical accompaniments by his son’s band.

The opening half an hour Icke comes to derivative conclusions of the typical 9-5 job as slavery and that we are programmed from the moment we are born from our parents to school to our jobs largely through the use of the media and other ‘programmers’. Of course, it’s naïve to believe that the media doesn’t harness a quantum of control over us. An example that springs to mind is The Sun’s swinging allegiance ahead of the 2010 UK General Election where they swung from Gordon Brown’s Labour to David Cameron’s Conservatives. The Conservatives won. The paper, alongside others like the Mail and the Express, might have swayed voter’s minds in the EU Referendum of 2016, as well.

The idea that we work to earn money to pay for things we don’t need isn’t exactly revolutionary. Perhaps, this is the palette cleanser, the easier of his subject matters before he launches into lizards and consciousness and holograms. But back to the act of working to pay for things we don’t need – David Icke has been known to charge £170 for tickets. Why does he charge for his teachings? I found it funny how a man, telling you how bad the programming of the media and television is, despite attempting to program you himself.

Oasis and The Verve have put it much more concisely and wisely in single lines of music than Icke does here.

This isn’t a bashing of David Icke, though. His anti-war sentiments are true, his sentiment of the difference of spending between war and homelessness and greener energy is also true, and something to be fearful of. Icke also discusses the psychopathic tendency of those who govern us, who bomb and invade countries for us. This is also something that is easily agreeable for most people. However, my problem with Icke is this: he discusses how the budgets for military could remove world famine and hunger but in the same breath denies climate change and attempts to tie his theories to video game graphics as a mean to suck us into this Matrix theory.  The reason why The Last Of Us doesn’t look like Pong is because technology has moved on, David.

Next up in this near day-long routine is David Icke’s theories on the “Cosmic Internet” and the illusion of physicality. Here he begins hinting to his theories of holograms, again and again, I can see the Moon-Matrix theory of his rumbling towards me like cancer through a cigarette. Now, I’ll reaffirm my point that I did go into this with an open mind but this segment is utter garbage. The philosophy of consciousness is interesting – Hegel, Camus, Kant to name but a trio of philosophers with fascinating theories. Icke, on the other hand, speaks of differences of oceans and likens unseen frequencies such as radiowaves to the afterlife. Even homeopathy and water memory comes up – pseudo-science. But that’s just opinion. He dulled me here.

Even theories on the Pineal Gland are interesting: in the past, Descartes and in the present day as activation through Ayahuasca in Peru. Instead, Icke opts for mind control via fluoride added in water by “the system” that stops us harnessing the Pineal Gland. He tells us about his “higher reality experiences” – for what reason? You cannot disprove him on his anecdotal evidence, it’s unteachable. Why is he teaching us? For that sweet, sweet cash.

From here the only sensible segue is that the universe is just a hologram. He uses NewScientist’s “You Are a Hologram” magazine cover from January 17, 2009 as proof that mainstream media has caught up with his ideas. The feature article in question discusses the GEO600 program in Hanover, Germany where the magnitude of its sound energy to link back to holograms in the universe has since been accepted as exaggerated. The NewScientist is a long list of misappropriations by David Icke in this long lecture. He uses quotes from Albert Einstein to Mark Twain to Jorodowsky to Plato, Socrates to Leonardo da Vinci, Nikola Tesla (ad nauseum) to Isaac Newton, Alan Watts to Rene Descartes and even Jim Morrison. The quotes are real but the majority of them are horrifically mismanaged. The only reality is that he uses famous and established names to justify his wonky belief system.

System. He is in a constant battle with the system and therefore keeps coming back to it. He blames doctors, journalists, everyone for that matter, for being in the system. If so, who began the system and how was it so easily infiltrated by a man from Leicestershire in a single lifetime? Surely, if it was so flimsy would it not have already been replaced, especially with the help of the 6,000 sheep per show that flock to his lectures every year.

In terms of theories on consciousness and dark matter that he discusses, it’s something everybody mainly agrees that we know very little on so I’m easily accepting of new ideas. However, the plasma being conscious and spacetime being faked is hard to believe. To make the latter pertinent, he uses discusses Da Vinci’s drawings as examples to believe that he was “beyond time” and such a thing as our system of past-present-future doesn’t exist.

Icke segues into an area of interest of mine, the theory that the universe is a simulation. Again, problematic is the way that he slides into the topic: The Fibonacci Sequence is given as proof that we live in a virtual reality. As AJ and I have discussed on multiple episodes of FFB (especially in episode 3), the simulation theory is something that you cannot disprove. It has gained a lot of traction but ultimately, we are not at a point in our technological evolution to prove this.

Icke discusses that the speed of light is the walls of our simulation and we can reach much faster speeds than that. Yeah? If you stretch your mind a little bit, you can understand how he has got to that conclusion. Then he drops a bombshell: the system is stopping us from reaching the speed of light. Damn, I almost believed you then. And with that, I tapped out at the 133 minute mark – at the end of part one. Icke was off to lunch.

Illuminati iconography bores me to tears, it’s a good job I started my second session with Icke with him discussing this. The illuminati triangle over Barack Obama’s eyes. It’s gonna be a long two hours. Funnily enough, Icke even mentioned Stockholm Syndrome in part one – I never felt I was going to enter into that mindset in this nine and a half hour hostage situation. Annoyingly, Icke tells us he can’t go “into detail” about who runs the system (somebody higher up the chain than the Rothschilds).

CANNOT. GO. INTO. DETAIL.

Here, a man waffling for over nine hours, cannot go into details. So he skims over that and onto our main event: the archons. To be fair to Icke, he’s placed this at a good point as his thesis on archons and demons and jinn etc. etc. etc. shares the same tedium as watching paint dry inside a shed. Imagine listening to this segment after a two-hour segment. Another factor of his work that you cannot either prove or disprove, except the fact that ‘evil’ backwards is ‘live’. That’s definitely the case but that doesn’t mean “evil is the inversion of life” in the manner he discusses. The most entertaining portion of this segment is when the batteries on his slideshow’s remote control get drained.

I began to realise, three hours in, that these are the philosophies of a man that is unfiltered and isn’t allowed to live outside in the real world for fear of ridicule. It was the fear of ridicule that led to his self-diagnosis as a ‘loner’ right from an early age. That Terry Wogan interview tipped him over the edge. Every now and then he lets you into his life: he’s “full-time at this” he’ll chip in every now and then. Full-time conspiracist. Here, is a man who has spent too much time in his own mind.

However, as soon as he said the word ‘reptilian’ a fire went off in my mind. I was hooked back in. Michael Jackson with his popcorn GIF I was, not in the desire to watch a man’s sanity dwindling in front of a paying audience but purely because of its entertainment through absurdity. Icke tells us that these reptilian overlords have allowed us to be suppressed through technology. The same technology that was birthed, and continues to be born, from the Apollo missions and the International Space Station, two programs that are the opposite of suppression. Technologies that allow us to dream of interstellar probes, colonisation of planets. Surely a suppression of the human race would be remaining on Earth, being the slaves that Icke tells us we are in act one of his nine-hour play? And to top all of this off, he quotes Carl Sagan ad nausem, Sagan, a man who gave us the television series Cosmos and a litter of present-day budding astrophysicists who wish to achieve the aforementioned goals.

And breathe. Away from my wacky beliefs and back to Icke’s. Oh he’s still talking holograms?

Maybe his theories of holographic forms and frequencies the human race generally aren’t privvy to, is a need to escape on Icke’s part. Icke needs something more than the regular life that you and me have. He wants to escape his life, he’s fucked it. He was a quiet little child from Leicester, injuries cut short his one love of football from such an early age and reporting couldn’t fill the same hole that football could. Do you see how easy it is to go on rants and subsequently boil them down into theories when you’re an unedited, unfiltered being? Luckily, nobody will give me nine hours and six thousand people to discuss my beliefs or I might be forced to waffle.

I came here for anecdotal evidence of reptiles. More stuff on Ted Heath’s eyes. The Royal Family – tell me again how they’re all iguanas. Childish facetiousness, I know that, but it would have been more enlightening and educating than a string of his useless theories. I guess what I’m after is Icke’s Greatest Hits, of course, my favourite of Icke’s albums. He does slip in a couple of slides of the Queen with lizard’s skin, now you’re speaking my language, David. I enjoy the lizard theories because it doesn’t seem as aggressive as nefarious as you hear about in passing.

Then you get there. You take your seat at Wembley arena, with 5,999 other people baying for blood at Icke’s aggressive words towards the system and those who govern us. It doesn’t seem as funny anymore. The person next to you nudges you as they take to their feet to cheer a man who declares that people with reptilian brains and frequencies are controlling us. For a second you think that Icke is this dangerous human with dangerous thoughts and then he hits us with generic sporadic anti-state thoughts. Shouting “bollocks to the Queen” gets the loudest cheer and ripple of applause for the entire nine hours. Perhaps Icke slipped into this ‘greatest hit’ of his because it’s the most accessible of his bizarre theories. It picked the crowd up and for fucks sake it needed picking up after the first hour of part two.

It was at this moment that I checked the time on the video: three and a half hours into a nine and a half hour video. Despite Icke then slipping into one of his more truer thoughts about our poisonous government using bombs and invasions over diplomacy, I was close to submitting in my second sitting. The submission came at the moment he labelled Ted Heath a child-sacrificing, murdering paedophile. See you tomorrow, David.

I prepared myself for sitting three of this mammoth lecture. I thought about David a lot overnight, thinking about his waning material, wondering what I’d be listening to by hour nine if he’s using up poor material by the halfway point. I think I was genuinely an hour away from dreaming about me and Icke tag teaming the lizard overlords, like some Godzilla meets Ghostbusters spin-off. So I left Icke mid-paedophilia burst, it was too close to tea time to listen to that. The next day, he tells us of paedophilia rings “infesting” to the very top echelons of government. It’s a bold and brash claim, in 2014, but especially with conspiracies involving BBC and Jimmy Savile as well as Pizzagate. Some have been debunked, some very clearly are real. We can all understand Icke’s comments about paedophilia and side with him.

However, he calls the perpetrators and organisers of this paedophile rings as part of the “dual bloodline”, linking back to the reptoids. Just when you think he’s hooked you, he lets you go with a manic side-theory. I don’t know if Ted Heath or the many unnamed people were paedophiles but if you were to try and persuade people if he was, it’s probably for the best you don’t run around calling them lizards. Uncovering Ted Heath’s extracurricular activities, if they existed, is an honourable mission but it crumbles away as soon as the L word is mentioned. Another problematic “source” that Icke constantly lists through this monstrous lecture is The Daily Mail. Known Nazi supporting, lie spouting, racist pricks that they are.

Their great language is the language of symbolism. Interestingly, reptiles communicate through imagery rather than other forms of communicate apparently I’ve been reading recently.

If I was to attribute a six laugh test to this nine-hour lecture then this quote close to the four-hour mark is laugh #1. Icke was at his frustrating best of bringing up half-decent points only to undercut it with reptile talk. Advertising is one of the great art forms of the 21st century in of its symbolism and ways to lead us down our subconscious alleys to pay for products. Fine as a theory, correct as a theory, but my boy Icke attributes lizards to it. Lizard-Human hybrid bloodlines. I’m apologetic in the sense that this paragraph represents close to ninety minutes of grandmaster Icke lecture, it just left me utterly speechless.

I saw an Ancient Aliens episode where, apparently the number three and triangles are everywhere and link to satanism. Ancient Aliens gets mercilessly laughed at and put down on social media and was one of the greatest memes of all-time. So why isn’t everyone laughing at Icke here as they did on Wogan in 1991? Has the perception of him changed or has he committed the widespread brainwashing that he, himself, warns of by ‘the system’? The reason triangles are everywhere is possibly because geometrically they’re quite popular. Perhaps if icosagons were all over the shop, I might believe him.

Icke, on a tirade of the illuminati and ‘the system’, launches into the imagery of the eye. Considering that Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. and Plankton from Spongebob Squarepants have one eye, the ‘archontic race’ are pumping this iconography subconsciously into our child’s brain. For what exactly? Again, the same logic applied to triangles: the eye is quite a popular part of the human body, after all, it’s what we see the eye-illuminati iconography with.

But what was to come was far worse. Icke tells us of global destruction myths. He warns us the solar system has changed in the ‘relatively recent past’. He prefaces this with the worship of Saturn, which is fine, after all every planet (except for Earth, that’d be weird) is named after a God. But he then tells us via a book called The Saturn Myth, that Saturn held the same orbit as Mars and Venus but it was dominant in the skies of Earth as a dwarf star. A number of things here: in the Golden Age. That (Greek) Golden Age that is a hundred years into the Common Era? Just after the supposed death of Jesus Christ? Wouldn’t there be masses upon masses of biblical writings of Saturn being a huge fucker in the sky? Being the dominant western religion, you wouldn’t be able to move for how Saturn used to be bigger than the Sun in our sky. A dwarf star? Not even remotely a chance but Icke tells us the imagery is there, in Freemasonry (with the ‘SATURN SUN’) and the Twin Towers. The fucking Twin Towers. Icke tours this material around America, I wonder what reaction he would have got for utilising the World Trade Centre for his own personal conspiracist gain.

In this Saturn-Satanism rant, Icke compares the Apple logo to the Eye of Sauron from The Lord of the Rings. Laugh #2. Icke needs to know when to stop. An eye does not equate to satanism just as a logo of a half-eaten apple doesn’t equate to satanism. If so, what about the introduction to the stargate sequence in 2001: A Space Odyssey? There’s quite a long sequence of an eye, in numerous colours, there – why doesn’t he go for that? It’s very telling that the gluttony of applauses Icke received for his rants on anti-royalism, paedophilia and Jimmy Savile has evaporated as soon as he dives down the Saturn conspiracy. His ALLEGED anti-semitism rears its ugly head but only for a moment, as he tells us Israel’s six-pointed star derives from the Satanic worship of the Saturn Sun. (No, I can’t believe I wrote that sentence, either.) But don’t worry, he tells us that the Hajj is a Satanic ritual because, as we all know, “a cube is a hexagon.”

And it didn’t have rings. Of course, once upon a time, probably billions of years ago, they probably didn’t have rings – the rings are destroyed asteroids, gobbled up by Saturn’s huge gravitational pull. We’re told Galileo discovered the Rings of Saturn in 1610 but Icke knows that the rings are a “virtual reality” and that the rings are made of sound – not the ice water asteroids scientists would have us believe. All the more galling is prior to this comment is Icke playing a supposed NASA audio file. Give over, Dave. He tells us that the structure of the Moon, Earth and the Sun is manufactured and thinks suspiciously on how we only see one side of the Moon. Apart from other examples of moons and planets structured around the solar system, the Moon is tidally locked to show one side to the sun, just as Venus is tidally locked to show one side to the sun just as other exoplanets are tidally locked to their stars.

He uses quotes from NASA scientists to justify his claims, using quotes from the early 1960s about the Moon, before the Apollo missions got there and before we studied it at length, to determine that the Moon is hollow! He then goes onto discuss nonsensical low-resolution pictures before making the even more nonsensical comparison to the Death Star from Star Wars. Laugh #3. Those pesky Archons Icke warned us of before are now uncovered to have stolen the moon from somewhere and placed it near Earth – not a rogue Mars-size planet that crashed into Earth and the debris formed the Moon and shaped the Earth as those deranged (and qualified) scientistis would have us believe. As terms of my favourite hours of this bloated lecture, Hour 5’s space discussion is definitely my favourite. This discussion is concluded by Icke tying the Saturn-Satanism stuff into his opening gambit on modern work enslavement. The link is so tenuous and so threadbare that you could cut into it with your breath after a big of chilli Doritos.

I tapped out at the break for part three. I left it a weekend. At this point I wondered what his former teammates of Coventry City and Hereford United thought of him now. Were any of them sat there at Wembley with him?

Back after a weekend, I was determined to make this article’s word count 6666 just to piss ol’ Ickeman off. I was five hours in with four and a half to go and the deadline for this article was fast approaching. I start the fourth sitting with a bad taste in my mouth – he tells us that 1984 and Brave New World are factual novels. He tells us George Orwell and Aldous Huxley were within the archontic society and their works didn’t come from imagination but from knowledge of the future. On what basis? They went to Eton. Of course. He makes a good point from the famous Einstein ‘fish up a tree’ quote but by this point I had developed such an apathy for the man that I was struggling to knit together words and real thoughts. Maybe that’s how he gets you: grinds you down until a compliance manifests itself.

Icke then has the bollocks, five hours and ten minutes into a nine and a half hour lecture, to tell us that conspiracy theorists are held down by ‘the system’ and Archon Media™ through the sheep and sheepdog metaphors. Then he launches into his twenty-fifth mention of Simon Cowell. 25 minutes in on a Monday morning I was almost tapping out again. Then he throws us down the famous and well-worn 9/11 rabbit hole. After 17 years I think I’m finished hearing about 9/11 conspiracies: they’re vapid, offensive and pointless. Icke threatens to offer valid points of Americans furnishing the Middle East with weapons but quickly moves onto conspiracies regarding the WTC 7 building.

Icke’s in full flow now, he rattles through his thesis on facist EU theory, the NATO world army, microchip population, no country globalisation, climate change denial, the pointlessness of voting and so much more that I drifted in and out of consciousness for. Yeah, Icke, I get it you’ve got nice pyramids and nice homemade memes but you’re conspiracist worldview becomes so dull. And then he mentions Hunger Games. He doesn’t reference it at all as a book before it became the box office phenomenon. I’m sure Suzanne Collins is part of the archontic bloodline.

We’re heading towards a police state and poverty for the masses. It’s all very fantastical, isn’t it?

But rest easy, Icke’s been wrong before: he told us the world would end in 1997 and again in 1999. But here we are. Surprising, after knowing this little gem that he utterly denies climate change before going on a tirade of then-Green Party leader Natalie Bennett. Why does he launch a rant against the Green Party? Because he was banished from the Green Party for his ‘Son of the Godhead’ views back in the early 1990s. He likens Al Gore and the forcing of climate change down our submissive throats as communism.

Suddenly the ripples of applause have disappeared. The room is silent save, of course, for the grown man dicking about on the stage. I wonder if Icke recycles. He certainly recycles his material in this show.

I don’t know why Icke’s team use crowd shots. Above is a couple of people clapping, a woman with a wistful look to the exit door and a man with his head in his hands.

Then Icke wanders down ‘Agenda 21’ – using Terminator-esque stills, and that’s exactly it: the imagination and right-side of the brain that Icke craves, he has too much of, he lives in a science fiction film and can’t escape. He literally thinks he’s in the Matrix. He’s quick to tell us of this disastrous archontic globalisation future with facist unions but also quick to tell us his idea of education: none up until 7. I’m all for education reform, as are quite a lot of the population and Einstein’s fish up a tree quote still rings true, but models of cognitive development in children teach us memories are largely developed between ages two and five and processing connected to good reading skills develops between ages five and seven.

Icke tells us Sweden and Israel are cashless countries. In 2017, 59% of consumer transactions were done using non-cash methods in Sweden, the same as France. In fact, Canada was ranked number one by The Daily Telegraph with Sweden second, the United Kingdom third, France fourth and USA fifth. Israel were nowhere near the top. But he promises to get off finance. Then he talks about HAARP and Chemtrails. Please get back onto finance, David. In this particular part he tends to list random injustices as reasons for his conspiracies: the Nestle CEO tells us water isn’t a human right – therefore Nestle and the archontic bloodline want to kill us. He then tells us about fracking: a matter that the majority of people are against and then he feeds this perfectly valid point with fluoridation of water and creating an archon world.

Part of this archon world, according to your boy Icke, involves only the elite driving cars. So, explain the push for driverless cars. He doesn’t. In this world, only the elite will drive cars and high-speed train systems controls the population and the food will be purely GMO. Whilst contentious, GMO food has advantages, they can be resistent to viruses and weeds and 98% of GM crops are resistent to pesticides but it’s “not natural” and, according to Icke, makes men sterile so it must be because of the archons. Go watch a Kurzgesagt video or other educational channels on YouTube instead of listening to conspiracists.

His show is cyclical: point out a small injustice, make a good point, reel the audience in, slam down theories on lizards, archontic futures and ‘the system’, or climate change denial or anti-vaccinationist views. Yeah, he’s anti-vaccination. Vaccinations have animal blood and anti-freeze in it, apparently. Didn’t you know? Wake up, sheeple. And it kills your immune system. From this we have to have a suspiciousness of ADHD mainly, it seems, from his own autobiographical daydreaming. He makes a two-minute bit out of this. I’m all for a David Icke stand-up comedy tour but not hidden 6 and a half hours deep into a nine hour lecture.

He comes back to chemtrails, don’t worry, he comes back to it, right after telling us that toxins found in washing up liquid is energetic distortion and hampers the way we decode reality (the hologram) via the pineal gland in order to weaken the global population with the end goal to cull the population. He tells us the UN aims to cut the population from its near 8 billion population to 1 billion. He validates all of these bullshit claims from doctors and scientists and the like but almost always they are ‘FORMER’ doctors and ‘FORMER’ scientists. I can’t imagine why they got struck off.

It’s around this point that he returns again and again to Bill Gates and references Apple in passing as part of this archontic underworld. How is he creating this fantastic nine hour slideshow? It can’t be Windows or Mac, can it? Must be Linux. Has to be Linux otherwise Icke would be a hypocrite and he’s definitely not a hypocrite. As I thought about this, my thoughts returned to AJ’s theory that Icke is, in fact, a shill. An archontic shill to spout overly ridiculous and left-field theories to make him look and sound like a nutjob in order to keep free-thinking, real people off the scent of the world’s real injustices and malpractice.

And again, another return to chemtrails. I won’t discuss what he says except give you something to think about, an opposing opinion, if you will: IF planes are blowing chemtrails over the Earth to help the archontic race and ‘the system’ continue this supposed mind control program, won’t the people attempting this program succumb to the chemtrails themselves? Won’t Icke succumb to the chemtrails? Is he immune? Is he a lizard?

It’s easy to slip into a full barrage against Icke, as I probably have done for the previous thousand or so words but it is out of pure frustration. He returns to the injustice of the American ‘war on terror’ in the Middle East and lies spouted about WMDs in Iraq and the so-called threat of Iran, the funding of Libyan rebels and Israel and these are all real qualms. Icke’s at his truest here, I’d like to think, as an optimist but he shrouds it all under the blanket of conspiracy.

He becomes more aimless as we meander through hours seven and eight, discussing everything from police brutality, drone hackers, surveillance insects, telematic boxes, anti-road rage internal car cameras, DNA warehousing all under his banner of the kid-stealing AGENDA 21. Does it make sense to you, now? It doesn’t? Well have a bit of this: light bulbs contain mercury that leads to mercury poisoning. It’s a wonder we aren’t all dead. Does Icke use light bulbs? I’ve unscrewed all my light bulbs and live by candlelight just in case. He discusses how wi-fi controls our minds. How is he researching and producing this lecture? He pulls up screenshots from hundreds of websites during the lecture so how is he receiving these if he doesn’t use the internet?

Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.

Icke states that the Fukushima disaster of 2011 in Japan was deliberate, releasing radiation as a means to change the environment and move populations. Why does everything have to be a conspiracy? Sometimes you can just have disasters born out of nothing. It’s at this point I realised I was thoroughly bored. For seven hours I had been entertained, frustrated, amused, pissed off and now I had finally reached the boredom. He pulls me out of it with talk of Google Glass and rattles through pictures of people enjoying technology like phones and smartwatches with no real agenda other than he is an old man with an obsession and suspicion of technology. It doesn’t make him groundbreaking or not a sheeple, it just means he’s old and like most old people he struggles with technology. I don’t even know how to switch tabs on an iPhone X, for instance.

Nonetheless, as he closes part three with this, it’s not really offensive or aggressive as his other theories, it’s just like listening to your Dad trying to work out how to use the Cloud. You wouldn’t give him Wembley Arena for the day, 6000 people and a really long slideshow though, would you? Before he bids us goodbye for a break, though, he tells us Google are planning to replace our troops with a Robot Army. Hold on, David, where are you going? Elaborate. Not an hour previously you told us the Archons want a police state – now it’s a robot army state? I felt as though I was losing my mind, here. It must be frustrating for the man not being able to persuade everybody about these theories – yes, 6000 turned up for the fish and the bread but I suspect little fully believe him on all of his remarks.

Thank God he went for a break. I went for a Chocolate World Cup winner, KitKat Chunky Peanut Butter and returned for the 75 minute finale.

Icke sort of turns into a self-help guru speaker in the final part. He tells us to break out of the walls into this infinite awareness. Icke would be a great motivational speaker from what I have heard not only in this part but from the entire lecture. In the final part there’s no real conspiracies, there’s just a man shouting at an audience about becoming a better person and becoming “woke”. It’s applause porn. He knows the people and he likes to leave them with a smile on their face and thunderous applause. Maybe I’m being too cynical but in a rant about love, he pretends to tear up and get a lump in his throat to get a standing ovation out of his people. It becomes a bit autobiographical and a bit self-serving but it’s just Icke at his full-flowing best without the holograms, without the lizards.

It’s just a shame that he’s shackled himself to the Archontic future and reptilian overlords.

When he gets sweaty he looks like a more nefarious Rik Mayall. (I’m sorry Rik, R.I.P.)

I completed this sometimes frustrating, sometimes tortuous and always overlong lecture in four sittings.

At points Icke almost comes across as a man reading out inspirational and revolutionary memes: some hit the mark, some miss with the crowd, my mind-bogglingly favourite of which is his great Fanta-Bohemian Rhapsody pun. If you ignore some of his more aggressive and controversial beliefs and look at the actual man – the charisma and the squeaky shoes on a floor that make him sound like an agile Michael Jordan – he is an extremely interesting person.

You cannot deny he is a great speaker, as ridiculous as I might think his theories are, to keep people in one place for nine hours is some ability.

Is he dangerous? Probably not. He’s probably just watched The Matrix a few times too many but it’s not as comfortable and hilarious as you might expect.

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