FFB Team of the Week (#1)

The Premier League was finally back and all of the big hitters won on the opening weekend: Manchester City, Liverpool, Manchester United… Watford. Fulham proved Jake completely wrong by blowing it at home to Palace and Brighton, Huddersfield and Cardiff adhered to both Jake and AJ’s prediction that they will be relegated come the end of the season. Everything’s confirmed: it’s the first match of the season, we will come to change our ideas and opinions next weekend again.

It’s that time of the week where we look at our team of the week: the best of the worst players from the Premier League weekend.

Goalkeeper

Petr Cech: Raheem Sterling’s goal was very bizarre. It was avoidable and Cech appeared to pull his hand back. It wasn’t a hard shot that nestled into the corner of the net, it was right down the middle of the goal. JD

Defence

Matteo Darmian: The Italian looks about as sturdy as a sheet of paper in a thuderstorm amongst an electrical fire. He allowed Ben Chilwell free reign over the Old Trafford turf down that left hand. As a Manchester United fan, he makes me incredibly nervous and even at 2-0 up on Friday night he wasn’t steady. A much needed P45. JD

Calum Chambers: Not good enough. We all know the Cottagers went a bit mental with spending going into this campaign and yes, they did buy defenders in Le Marchard and Alfie Mawson, they also pulled in Chambo and Timbo (Fosu-Mensah) on loan. They need Mawson fit ASAP because Chambers is a liability at centre back. AJ

Phiggyaglelka: Red or not (and it wasn’t a red card, let’s be honest), Phigg was rash and out of control with the ball and got found out at Molineux. It probably cost his side two points. JD

Terence Kongolo: This could have been any of the back three for Huddersfield but I flipped a coin and it came out with Kongolo’s face on it. Huddersfield had a stronger defence than a man calling himself ‘The Crossbow Cannibal’ in court. JD

Midfield

Matteo Guendouzi: Described on Match of the Day as “brave” by Martin Keown, like that’s enough for a place in this side. Headless chicken, in a pretty headless Arsenal team against Man City. AJ

Jack Wilshere: Everything went wrong on Jack’s competitive debut for the club he supported as a boy. Liverpool’s fluid 4-3-3 went right through him and Mark Noble. He even took a shot to the dick in the second half. JD

Mark Noble: Looked way off the pace as Liverpool bypassed his presence with ease, usually the engine room but he provided the engine of a cat during West Ham’s pathetic display against a revved up Liverpool. AJ

Sol Bamba: The epitome of everything that is this Cardiff team and Neil Warnock, probably a really top guy but simply not at this level. Bye Bye Bluebirds. AJ

Attack

Aleksandar Mitrovic: Could not hit a barn door with a pissing window. 12 goals in 17 Championship fixtures for the Cottagers last season – couldn’t have scored in a month of Sundays at home to Crystal Palace. JD

Alexis Sanchez: On the winning team but contributing nothing. Sanchez needs a good season and this wasn’t a good start, expect to see Martial or #JLingz nick his position very soon if this poor form and lack of confidence continues. AJ

 

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