Of course I’m playing on legendary, do you not know who I am? FIFA king, world champion, too good for YouTube, play 2 minute halves and pump the opposition 8-0.
We started the month off with Youri Tielemans coming back from international duty with a torn groin that would fuck him up 4 weeks. Just four weeks out for a torn groin, really FIFA?
ARSENAL 5 | Alli (44’ 51’), Goretzka (79’, 84’), Sanchez (89’), (Mbappe sent off)
Dele Alli, Julian Draxler and Niklas Sule made their debuts, init funny what a bit of funny being thrown around and some solid tactical efficiency will do for ya, ey DT?
Just had the feeling of ArsenalFanTV ribbing me for playing Theo Walcott as some roaming playmaker in a midfield 3 and the decision to start Mbappe up front after 4 games without a goal and a red card after 24 minutes. That guy who says ‘fam’ a lot, he’d be front and centre to decimate me post-match no doubt.
Alli’s a “fraud” cos he went missing and missed a sitter early on – but he scored
Mbappe’s only played in “farmer’s leagues” but he’s gonna be the best player on the planet soon
Tah doesn’t work in a defensive “double pivot system” – what the fuck does that mean Ty? Go fuck ya headphones
“You can’t win anything with kids” for the ‘suns out guns out’ generation.
BORUSSIA MONCHENGLADBACH 2 | Raffael (38’), Kramer (85’)
ARSENAL 0 | (Xhaka sent off)
UEFA Champions League
Yeah, ya boy enabled European competitions in the first season. I’m smart like that.
The two at the back seemed daunting in European competition – cos, you know, football is played differently in Europe on FIFA – but Tah & Sule were Bundesliga veterans.
The only player in my eleven not to be signed personally by yours truly was off after 25 minutes, solid Xhaka challenge, slide in from behind in no danger 95 yards from his own goal.
Gladbach were the first opposition we lined up against that played two out-and-out centre forwards in Raffael and Lars Stindl. With the early absence of Granit Xhaka early on – the youthful two-man defence were put under immense duress early on.
But, as with our previous match against Southampton, Arsenal came to run at tired legs in the second half.
It didn’t happen. They stung us on the counter.
HULL 3 | Niasse (41’), Henriksen (61’), Huddlestone (78’)
ARSENAL 3 | Giroud (32’ 63’), Lozano (80’)
First half: fuming. Lozano misses a sitter, I’m forced to play Olivier Giroud up top instead of the pace of Kylian Mbappe. Instead of sitting deep and springing on tired defences, we have to take the game to Hull, with our fatigued side after mid-week.
Giroud nets in Mbappe’s absence but then the biggest shite little tinpot rebound levels the scores up. And we should have had a penalty from a handball – where’s VAR when you need it? (#ffblovesvar)
Who’s Henriksen and why did my player slide randomly to allow him to score their second? BROKEN GAME. But it’s not broken when Giroud spins Curtis Davies like a mad’en and pumps in a second.
Huddlestone came off the bench to score a goal – surefire way to realise this game is shit. I wasn’t even satisfied with our equaliser – shite little tinpot rebound.
One of those FIFA games that just fucks you right off from whistle to whistle.
ARSENAL 4 | Goretzka (17’), Mbappe (90’ 109’ pen), Sanchez (93’) (Lozano sent off 35’)
PETERBOROUGH 3 | Taylor (26’), Smith (31’), Nabi (119’)
LEAGUE CUP ROUND THREE
Don’t judge me. I only didn’t sim this once cos I needed to release some anger. Yes, I put the full strength team out and they took us to extra time.
ARSENAL 3 | Mbappe (27’ 75’ 88’), (Tolisso, Wilshere, Sule, Bellerin sent off)
CHELSEA 3 | Costa (39’ 78’), Fabregas (45’)
Just what my knackered first team wanted. I played a much more defensive system here, with my wingers (Sanchez & Bellerin – Lozano was suspended -) pushing into defensive roles.
Park the bus and play for the 0-0 was the plan after injuries to Draxler & Tah fucked my squad further.
I blame the red cards on my greasy thumbs. You know when you’re eating chocolate whilst on the PlayStation and you can’t get a grip on the analog sticks cos you’re thumbs are sticky? Yeah, that.
Team to face Chelsea
LEAGUE TABLE | after six games
MAN CITY